Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Day 12 and 13 and 14

The print out worked. I saw HUGE gaps in the story. I saw MAJOR places for character deepening. I even wrote three more chapters--well, almost. 2.5 or 2.25 (Something in that neighborhood.)

I discovered I'd fallen in love with a minor character, Nyla, the fat girl with the brain. She really got to me, so she's no longer minor. Here's a bit of Nyla. Tell me if you like her as much as I do. Be honest. If you don't think she fabulous, tell me why, okay?
                                                         
(The main character is meeting Nyla off the school campus. )


     "Nyla and me never meet unless it’s in the cafeteria or home room or on that bench where she sits a lot after school like she’s waiting for somebody. I’m the only one who comes by. I’m the only one who sits with her while she explains stuff I need to know. I try to make it look accidental or, like, I need to borrow something or get an assignment from her. Sure sometimes Meeker gives me a hard time about dating a Jelly Belly or chatting up the fat girl nobody else talks to, but he don’t make nothing big out of it. It’d be different if her saw me here in town with her.
     When I look up she’s crossing the street. The sun comes just right to throw her shadow on the asphalt. It makes it’s way ahead of her, swaying side to side kind of like an elephant having a hard time on two feet. She don’t see me yet, so I wait, thinking how I still got time to disappear without her knowing I ditched at the last minute. Then I remember how ticked she got when they busted me and I didn’t show up that Tuesday. I don’t want the dark feeling again, the one I had until she talked to me, so I stay where I am and wait.
     She spots me and smiles. It’s gotta be the slant of the sun because for one minute there, Nyla is purely beautiful. She brushes her hair back from her face. It’s shiny with lots of red the way the light comes down on it.
    A horn honks and I push away from the building. As she comes closer Nyla’s back to being the fattest girl in Larkston, a two-footed elephant who smiles at me.
    I take a quick survey around to see if anybody I know is headed to the movie, but there’s only an old couple buying tickets. " 
Copyright C. Lee McKenzie, 2010

Now what's next? Well, there's probably going to be a small break because, guess what? I've been called to jury duty. I expect I have to go on Friday . . . my major writing day. But all is good. In this book I have court scenes, and if I'm lucky I'll be able to take some notes. They let you take notes, right? Help, anybody who's actually been on jury duty.

5 comments:

  1. I'm digging the MC voice, and I love the description of Nyla. How can she possibly be a minor character with paragraphs like that??

    P.S. Thanks for the book. I got it today, and I'm looking forward to reading it this weekend! And, umm, have fun on jury duty. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh I can definitely identify with Nyla (not the fat part but the sitting on a bench along part and helping a fellow student with homework etc.) I get the feeling that this guy might start liking her, might start seeing her in a different light.

    Nice, Lee.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've never done jury duty before. But since I live in Canada, the rules might be different. Great opportunity to do research, though.

    Enjoy! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I loved the MC's voice and the description of Nyla. You have definitely got something here. I'm intrigued after only reading a couple of paragraphs. Awesome job!

    And good luck on jury duty! When I was called up I sat in a room with 200 other people for 3 days and they ended up dismissing all of us! So I didn't get any insight into the jury system at all. Darn it. Hope yours is more exciting!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks everyone for stopping by. I'm glad Nyla appeals. I was worried people wouldn't see her as a wonderful person right from the start. My MC is a slow learner, but I think he'll come to appreciate this girl for who she is.

    Back to writing! Trying for day 15 before the court calls.

    ReplyDelete

Please say something to me, anything. Well, not anything, but a kind word will do.