The print out worked. I saw HUGE gaps in the story. I saw MAJOR places for character deepening. I even wrote three more chapters--well, almost. 2.5 or 2.25 (Something in that neighborhood.)
I discovered I'd fallen in love with a minor character, Nyla, the fat girl with the brain. She really got to me, so she's no longer minor. Here's a bit of Nyla. Tell me if you like her as much as I do. Be honest. If you don't think she fabulous, tell me why, okay?
(The main character is meeting Nyla off the school campus. )
When I look up she’s crossing the street. The sun comes just right to throw her shadow on the asphalt. It makes it’s way ahead of her, swaying side to side kind of like an elephant having a hard time on two feet. She don’t see me yet, so I wait, thinking how I still got time to disappear without her knowing I ditched at the last minute. Then I remember how ticked she got when they busted me and I didn’t show up that Tuesday. I don’t want the dark feeling again, the one I had until she talked to me, so I stay where I am and wait.
She spots me and smiles. It’s gotta be the slant of the sun because for one minute there, Nyla is purely beautiful. She brushes her hair back from her face. It’s shiny with lots of red the way the light comes down on it.
A horn honks and I push away from the building. As she comes closer Nyla’s back to being the fattest girl in Larkston, a two-footed elephant who smiles at me.
I take a quick survey around to see if anybody I know is headed to the movie, but there’s only an old couple buying tickets. "
Copyright C. Lee McKenzie, 2010